Marcos

I can say that most people reading this do not really know Marcos. It's not your fault, he's a complicated and reserved person, who keeps most of himself, well to himself. I'll try to paint a picture of who he is.

You see, the thing is, Marcos is very shy. Perhaps shyness doesn't even describe it. In any case, he is extremely reserved in front of most people. We are not only talking strangers, but even people he has met several times. Actually, for the longest time, even with me, there was probably a 50/50 chance that he would want to "deal" with me or not. Man, that drove me nuts! All I wanted was to be there for him, do something with him, help him, take care of him, etc, but he would reject me and only accept his mother. It drove me crazy and mad and so sad and rejected all at once. He would only want to do something with me if it was his idea, on his terms. This was probably one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my life.

Kristi tried so hard to help. She would find articles and internet forum posts where other people described being in the same situation. I remember at one time saying something like "I understand that he's not the only one like this, but it doesn't make me feel any better..." I mean, my brain understood that this was a phase, that he was just a little boy, that I could not possibly take his rejection towards me as personal, but my heart felt like it was being ripped apart over and over.

Last year, he started getting up early with me in the mornings. This gave him and I some time alone with each other watching TV, eating breakfast, etc. and we got along really well. He only had me and it was our special time. I hoped that this would bring the change that I wanted, but it only helped partially. There were some good days, but some other days, whenever he wasn't in prime shape, like if he was tired or hungry, where I'd better just not even try to do anything with him. I don't know, maybe my memory is a lot worse than things really were. You know how your memory can be tainted by how you felt during what you are trying to remember. Through all this, in so many discussions between me and Kristi about this, I would come to the realization of how much he and I are alike. I have a lot of the same "social issues" or whatever we want to call them. I may deal with them better, now as an adult, so that I can somehow fit in society in some fashion, but I remember many times in my childhood where a lot of these same traits came up and even now, as in like, this past week, some of these things still pop up! This helps a little bit in understanding him and not taking things as personal. Still, believe me when I say that it was a tough time!

Well, I don't know exactly when, but towards the end of last year, we started playing "chase" or hide and seek or something like that, involving some rough play. This made him look forward to me coming home in the afternoon. Also, during Thanksgiving we had Kristi's family staying with us and then for New Year's we stayed with them. This meant that he spent a lot of time with them living in the same house. It so happens that he likes them, so he warmed up to them, but it also made him and I closer, because with all the distraction, etc. he could count on me when he needed me. Since then, our relationship has finally bloomed into what I had been looking for all along!!

It seems that since then, we have become really close. We both look forward to spending time together and play or watch TV or read books or anything. He lets me help him with pretty much everything and even prefers me for some things. We've also noticed that he seems to have a little bit of an easier time dealing with new people, or people he has not felt comfortable with before, especially when in our house. He goes from hiding behind K., and talking through her (Mommy, you tell them this...) to now offering our guests some snacks, sharing his toys, etc.

The real Marcos is talking all the time. He has a great sense of humor. He's always acting like a clown or a daredevil to show us up. He is very smart. He has learned that we are always trying to fix whatever is broken, instead of throwing things away and buying new, or we try to build things on our own, etc. so he is always coming up with ideas for us to build something, sometimes things way out of our realm of expertise to build. For example, he sees on TV a commercial for a train track toy, where the track goes up like 4 levels and loops around itself with bridges, etc. and he is convinced that we can build the exact same thing with his single-level track, sticks, a leather belt, some other toys and tools. He thinks we are all like McGuyver! I think he's always been a little bit of an overachiever. He was walking at 8 months and he's learning to read right now, having just turned 4. He may not pronounce everything like an adult yet, but he has a very large vocabulary and you can have a full conversation with him.

He also loves his construction machines and tools. He asks me sometimes to teach him "all about tools". So, he goes with me to my big tool box in the garage and we get some tools out and I show him how to use them, etc. He has a wooden tool set and he tries a lot to build things with it. I'm going to get some wood and drill some holes for his plastic screws and add a few things for him to play-build stuff.
A lot of times, when I am washing my bike after a muddy mountain bike ride, he'll come and bring his bike to get it washed as well and we "work on the bikes", etc.

We've been pretty good about being "gender neutral" when it comes to the kids. By this, I mean, we don't have "girl toys and boy toys" or "girl colors and boy colors", but it's so interesting to see how Marcos is obsessed with (his words) "trains, construction machines, tools and disgusting stuff"! This is probably TMI, but he loves talking about poop and trying to gross us out, but (thank goodness) all in a funny way, not gross for real. He's always coming up with ideas of games to play and things to do or great questions for us about things.

He also has a big heart. He is, most of the time, very quick to apologize when he does something wrong and he is thoughtful and kind. This is a big change from a year or so ago, when I was so afraid that he really had no such qualities, since I never saw them.


I keep noticing these changes in him and how he seems a little less shy and a finds himself being more comfortable a little faster with people. I know that, like me, he'll still have to deal with this shyness, dread or almost fear with new people or sometimes just not being able to handle "people" at all. Hey, all I can hope is that I can teach him how I barely manage to deal with these things myself and hope that he can improve on this (and maybe teach me back). So, I hope that you will be patient with him if he has not opened up to you, even though you may have been around him a lot. I am really hoping that more people can get to meet and see the real Marcos. The one that I have gotten to know. The one that knows how to use his smile, dimples and all, to get what he wants, most of the time. The one that's so addicted to candy and sugar that we have to bargain with him about eating protein before eating sweets. The one that loves to paint and to play with Lula or build "contraptions" or come up with jokes. The one that makes up stories and games for us. The one that climbs on the bed, next to me, and hugs me while we sleep because he didn't get to see me before he went to bed the night before or runs into the hallway in the morning to make sure that he gets to say goodbye before I leave for work. My friend whom I like doing so many things and can't wait to do more. My sweet boy, Marcos.